From Rory Aikens
An unrepentant fishing and hunting addict

Be it resolved that in the Year 2011, I will not:

¢ Set up an opening-day dove hunt for the agencys director, visiting dignitaries and friends from Rocky Mountain TV in the one area where the dove had vanished because of a passing storm.
¢ Hit a small swarm of honey bees while zooming down the lake at freeway speeds while operating a friends expensive Ranger Bass Boat;
¢ Never try to use my Leatherman to remove bee stingers from my friends forehead or use medical tape to try and repair shattered Oakley sunglasses.
¢ Have target fixation while stalking and photographing javelina and being surprised when stepping on a coiled rattlesnake, and then jumping into some prickly pear cactus to get away..
¢ Never go into the desert without carrying a pocket comb to remove cactus thorns without getting them into my fingers.
¢ Fail to property seat the trailer tongue on the hitch, then watch helplessly as a Game and Fish Commissioners bass boat (and trailer) passes his truck on the right while we are scooting down a 2-lane road.
¢ Wade into a lake wearing slip-on tennis shoes and having one sucked off my foot by oozing black mud, then not being able to find it afterward;
¢ Take a sports celebrity and his family fishing (on camera) right after a major storm front gives all the fish lockjaw.
¢ Experiencing blue legs after forgetting to take waders to fish Lees Ferry and having the 53-degree water teach me to be better organized in the future.
¢ Set the hook so hard on a striking bass that the topwater lure pops out of the water and impales itself on the crotch of my surprised fishing buddy;
¢ Have my bass lure wrap around the branch of a half submerged mesquite tree and then watching as a lunker largemouth lunges out of the water, inhales the lure, and snaps the line.
¢ Keep a camera handy on the boat to photograph bruiser bass hitting a lure swinging from a branch;
¢ Playfully casting my double-treble crankbait close to my friends boat, over shooting and catching his favorite (and expensive) Gore-Tex jacket while he is wearing it;
¢ Have my vocabulary of profanity increased two-fold by someone wearing a torn jacket;
¢ Forget to put the truck in park when stopping on the steep boat ramp, then getting out to prep the boat for launching;
¢ Forgetting to strap down the fishing rods on the bass boats deck and watching in the rearview mirror with horror as my favorite ones are pulverized by a semi-truck on the freeway while we are heading home from the lake.
¢ Sneaking up behind my wife at dusk in the desert and imitating the sound of a buzzing rattlesnake without first making sure she isnt carrying her stout hiking stick that can cause severe bruising or even a major concussion;
¢ Do target practice on a seemingly empty tin can from camp just to find out that is where my friend had stored his precious contact lenses;
¢ Use a predator call to bring in coyotes and then having a mountain lion sneak up behind me and unleash a blood curdling scream of surprise.

Authors note: While I cannot claim all these as mine, I must confess to owning way too many of them.   back...
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