I love animals, they taste great.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If you are psychic - think "HONK"

Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.

Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.

History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I'm not shy, I'm just examining my pray.

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

Editing is a rewording activity.

Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen

How do I set the laser printer to stun?   back...
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