1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine…

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get…

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be…

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, "I just had a silent fart what do you think I should do?" He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the…

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the…

After a flight, pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet." The mechanics correct the problems and document the repairs before the next flight. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions…

* If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by, you PROBABLY live in New England. * If you're proud that your…

A man walks into a restaurant with a full grown ostrich in tow. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for the order. He says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke," and the ostrich chimes in…

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven year old…

I was having trouble with my computer, so I called the computer guy . He clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was…

The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most…