January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ...."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4…

Two bowling teams, one all blondes and one all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rode on…

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." --- Clarence Darrow "He had delusions of adequacy." --- Walter Kerr "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." ---Stephen Bishop…

As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas when a lawyer was shot by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations Regarding the Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks &…

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old…

Bubba and Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."…

1 "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." 2 "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite…

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's waiting room. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my ding dong," he replied. The receptionist became…

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking…

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was…