Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Those who live by the sword get shot by…

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary items together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her footstool, she started to make a circular…

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a very nice looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say 'liver' and 'cheese' in a best sentence…

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a…

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to…

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he…

I dialed a number and got the following recording: 'I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I…

I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a…

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh!…

The attached letter was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my…

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes…

Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed? Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your…