I love animals, they taste great. EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest!…

A guy from Arizona dies. A guy from Arizona dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it…

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of somebody hiding under my bed at night. I went to a shrink and said, 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under…

A businessman got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered,…

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my…

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn…

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you. It would be…

From Rory Aikens An unrepentant fishing and hunting addict Be it resolved that in the Year 2011, I will not: ¢ Set up an opening-day dove hunt for the agencys director, visiting dignitaries and friends from Rocky Mountain TV in…

A police recruit was asked during the exam,"What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup." A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to…

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the…

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?' St. Peter answered, 'Those are…

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over…