A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the…

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, "I just had a silent fart what do you think I should do?" He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old…

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven year old…

The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most…

I was having trouble with my computer, so I called the computer guy . He clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was…

After a flight, pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet." The mechanics correct the problems and document the repairs before the next flight. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions…

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began…

A man walks into a restaurant with a full grown ostrich in tow. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for the order. He says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke," and the ostrich chimes in…

When you are in deep trouble, say nothing. . . and try to look like you know what you're doing.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage…

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body is a 72 Year Old Frenchman. He…