Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why? Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is…

A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Wage & Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help. They sent an agent out to interview & investigate the accusations. Upon arrival at the ranch agents…

A 6 year-old and a 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year…

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried…

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great,"…

*Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me" "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going…

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this…

Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting on an airplane," was the inevitable answer. "Look, Mom. When it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you're on…

Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and sodas. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot, but they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turns to the second and says, You've gotta go…

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The…

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the doctor once a year for his…

When you thought I wasn't looking (by a child).... A message every parent should read, because your children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say. Each of us, parent or friend, influence the life of…